We often come across discontent couples, blaming each other or their families for their unhappy relationship, having unhealthy arguments over immaterial things or taking the other for granted. When I recently met a couple who had an obvious communication gap, I realized the impact of small things which can either make or break a relationship.
Although there are no set rules for being a great couple, here is a list of little things that I realized are important in the past two years of my marriage.
- Husband and wife should be like one unit, one gets hurt and the other comes to the rescue. Rest everyone and everything is the outside world. This unit has to be stable; otherwise, the outside world will easily decay it, just like the unstable uranium.
- Don’t try to change your partner. They have been a certain way half their life, now if you expect them to change something just because you don’t like it, you are practically talking no sense. Instead, try and figure out a peaceful solution for both of you.
- Don’t be rigid. Ironic to the previous point, don’t be rigid with habits that would hamper your relationship with your partner. After all, no habit can be more important than you two to be happy and at peace.
- Husbands, never forget your parents’ sacrifices, but don’t let them overpower your wife’s compromises. Just because she didn’t express her pain while compromising doesn’t mean she made none. You are a wise husband if you can gauge when she’s in pain.
- There might be times when your wife complains of being troubled by your parents, try and understand her instead of shunning her just because you believe your parents are the best. She’s come to your home which is altogether a different world for her. She is scared and needs someone to comfort her. Trust me, she only needs your hand to hold onto, tight and forever.
- Everyone has flaws, so will your husband/ your wife. So let’s not blame them for their weaknesses, instead, encourage and praise them for all the things they are good at. Even a flower blooms beautifully if it is taken care of with love and all the resources it needs, on the other hand, it will die quickly if it is cursed of having a slow growth. Same applies to us humans.
- You have to spend the rest of your life with your partner. No one will feel your pain as much as your spouse will; neither will your happiness make anyone happier than them. So, you need to trust them more than your relatives. The moment you side-line your spouse’s opinions and start listening to the entire world, you’ve punctured one of the two tires of your life’s cycle.
- Express your feelings for each other often. You might love and respect your partner a lot, but it’s a waste if you don’t express it enough to them. After all, there is no harm in talking good about each other to each other.
- Never raise your voice on the other. The moment you do so, it gives you power over the other, and marriage is not about having power in one’s hand, it’s about empowering each other.
- Let some things be between the two of you. It’s not necessary to tell your family everything that you share. It’s nice to have little secrets just between the two of you. Like if she woke up late today and you took tea to her in bed, keep it to yourself for your sweet memories, instead of showing off to others that you do things in the house. It will just ruin your moments because your parents might think of her as lazy and unfortunately, not all Indian parents appreciate their sons helping with the household chores.
- Go on little vacations, or a dinner date, just the two of you. Spending time alone with your partner will actually make you understand each other better. Whether you are newly married or celebrated your 30th-anniversary last year, every couple needs time alone with each other. Talk about your concerns, your insecurities, and your happy moments. And listen to your partner, without being judgmental. The two of you should be each other’s confiding dens.
- Your children are learning from you. Couples often think their children don’t notice their arguments or fights just because it was all behind a closed door. The aura you create with your tiffs or your love always affects your children. So why not teach them to be the best husbands and the best wives by becoming one!
So, try and understand your partner and make him/her understand what you are going through. You are meant to work it out together, holding hands tight. You are both equally responsible for how your relationship turns out to be.
Let’s enjoy this beautiful journey of marriage and not just stay in it for the sake of it.